One week, less than that actually.. Less than one week in a straightaway towards a new decade in my life.. Turning thirty doesn’t scare me too much, I mean it is just an age right, I am still me, I still feel young, look young, could stand to be in better shape, but aside that there is not much changing.. I am still me. Still witty, and charming.. (well in my own mind at least) I think the “fear” in all of this aging thing is that I don’t feel accomplished enough. I have lived damn near thirty years on this earth, and in the past ten I really don’t seem to have done as much as I did in the previous.. I feel as if my twenties should have been slammed packed with things.. I worked and went to school to get a technical certificate in design, took a break from school to act, went to school, got a AA, took a break from school to move to Michigan (dear god! what was I thinking?), came back worked, went to school (half heartedly), finally a few years ago I decide to buckle down.. and finally I finished my BA.. I should be a friggan doctor.. not looking at my thirties as dear god, when I go for my MA I will be friggan old!! Now I am in Oregon, working.. trying to make a film which doesn’t seem to want to get made.. I act, but not as much as I should or too my fullest potential.. I write, but this is the extent.. lord that is horrific of me… I sit for a portion of the day staring off into the vastness of cyberspace, wasting time eating instant oatmeal with dehydrated fruit (today it is blueberries and they stick to my teeth and make it look like I should be speaking cockney).. so this is my last week in my twenties and I would very much to turn that corner of aging with a vendetta against non accomplishment… that’s right.. I am going to make myself a super hero outfit to fight not doing anything of value! These past 8 months I have lounged around, trying to figure what to do with the next stage of life and finally I have two options and damn it I am stickin to my guns.. the nomadic twenties are gone soon enough.. the age of solidity is approaching, followed by the age of dear god I am halfway through life, followed by, can I retire already, followed by seriously can I retire now, followed by a golden enlightenment, followed by… er.. well I forgot but I like peas, and then it’s over. So my apologies for whining about life, for looking back and saying what the hell did I do.. the future, although I want to prolong its arrival, is bringing change.. starting in six days, 13 hours and 4 minutes..
A separate rant… I say the new documentary on Joe Strummer last night.. I have been a Clash fan for a while, and I know this because I was few singing along to “White Riot” and “I’m So Bored With The USA,” you know songs that were on their first album.. anyways.. what a life that took so many directions, did so many things.. musically was a spectrum throughout his existence on this planet which ended far too soon.. and Bono was right in the film when he said that if the Clash had taking some time to breathe they would still be one of the greatest bands playing today.. Well, up until Strummers passing.. But as we know, the past lays behind us unchangeable, or else I would be a doctor right now, definitely not writing this out to cyberland!
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